


A Revision of Sirius Black

by Saturn5



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-06
Updated: 2015-06-06
Packaged: 2018-04-03 04:20:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4086433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saturn5/pseuds/Saturn5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus only registered what had happened after Harry had run off after Bellatrix. Sirius Black had fallen through the veil and he would never see him again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Revision of Sirius Black

**Author's Note:**

> All credit to J.K. Rowling for characters and context.

It was a completely surreal moment when Remus turned back to look at the veil after Dumbledore had given the order that only he would go after Harry. He tore his eyes away again to look for the boy, who was in his arms just a second ago.  
There was the awful feeling that welled up inside of him as the reality of the situation had hit him—and it wasn’t a quick realization either. Harry struggling in his arms, yelling, had kept him busy, but now his hands were empty. He looked down at them and the back at the veil where Sirius had fell through.  
Echoes of his own voice affirming to Harry that nothing could be done had started to be analyzed. Remus had said these things automatically to stop the boy, but now—he felt his mouth gape own a little and his leg wobble.  
Sirius was dead.  
“Remus,” Alastor Moody said firmly, “We have to get these children to safety. Will you stay here to guard these—these putrid things? Dumbledore’s Anti-Disapparating Charm should make it less than babysitting.”  
Moody’s words seemed to travel right through him. He met Kingsley’s questioning stare, as the Auror got up holding his chest, and nodded. It was hardly the time, Kingsley seemed to be saying. He regained his posture and then nodded again, this time more firmly, more present. They were in the middle of business. It was hardly the time.  
He watched them gather up the limp body of Hermione Granger and help the rest who seemed capable of standing with some support. Tonks was also snatched up as they left hurriedly.  
Although most of the Death Eaters were still coming to, he suddenly heard a loud cackling from the group.  
“What’s the matter, Werewolf? Dog got your tongue?” smirked Lucius Malfoy, “You seem—”  
“Silencio!”  
He struck the whole lot of them, predicting that there would be more taunting to come. The loudness of the word from his mouth had taken him aback.  
Suddenly, he wished he hadn’t. The grimness of the room the dawned upon him, and all that was left was the whispering behind the veil. He’d rather have a shouting match with Malfoy to drown out where he was and the fact that he had to stay mere meters from where Sirius was struck.  
Remus took a deep breath. He would break down when he was done here—not yet—he was still on duty and if he messed it up, then could he even call himself a member of The Order?  
Loud noises came from obscure directions. He focused on guessing what was happening with Dumbledore and Harry, which sounded extremely violent. But it was there in the back of his head, nagging him constantly. He began pacing and shook his head.  
“Focus, Moony,” he whispered to himself, “Not now. Later. Think about it later.”  
The Death Eaters were now all miming curses at him, struggling against the invisible bonds. He half-thought about undoing the silencing charm just so that they would overpower the whispering, but he quickly checked himself. All of them were silently mocking him about Sirius Black and he doubted that murdering every single one of them would be a good move.  
But it just got worse. Sirius was right there—murdered in front him. No, he couldn’t think about it now. It wasn’t professional.  
With a reluctant shake of his head, he turned his wand on himself and cast a Cheering Charm. A smile instantly broke out on his face. Now, he happily patrolled around the Death Eaters—one had even spat on his shoes—without complaint.  
“Now that wasn’t very nice,” he faux-frowned, with a little laugh, and the added, “Scourgify!”  
The spit disappeared.  
He wondered what was taking the others so long—and surely Dumbledore and Harry could manage Bellatrix together. Something was askew, but even that failed to dampen his mood. He strutted around with a huge grin on his face—‘To Azkaban, the lot of you!’—but as time lingered the spell began to wear off and he could feel his heart sinking into his shoes.  
Just as he was about to tear his hair out to keep Sirius from his brain, Dawlish and Williamson came sprinting into the room, gasping at the gang of criminals. Dawlish suddenly registered Lupin’s presence. Everyone knew by now, thanks to Snape, that he was a filthy half-breed, and it showed. They approached Remus as if he smelled of bad milk.  
“Where are the others?” he asked, strained.  
“The others?” Remus raised his eyebrows.  
“The kids, you lot, the others, you know…” he gesticulated wildly with his hands as if Lupin was stupid.  
“Taken to the hospital, and Hogwarts,” he said, “Most of them sustained tremendous injury.”  
Williamson nodded, “Any deaths?”  
Remus stopped blinking. He paused for a long while, and the Aurors were really beginning to think he got a knock to the head while fighting. Then, he dropped his head with a sad, soft laugh.  
“No,” he said breathily, “There were no deaths tonight. We were lucky.”  
Williamson and Dawlish exchanged suspicious glances, but said nothing of it. They turned around to acknowledge the feisty, silent lot behind them.  
“Well, alright then,” said Dawlish, “You’re dismissed. Stay out of trouble, werewolf, or else…”  
Remus Lupin bowed politely and apparated from the room.

∆

“Ugh,” thought Remus as he paused before opening the carriage door, “They’re going to kill me for this.”  
He was neatly dressed in a grey Muggle sweater and some slacks with his owl’s cage perched under his arm. He sighed, and opened the door with his eyes closed. He was immediately welcomed by three animated sets of eyes—James, Peter and Sirius.  
“Wow, look who decided to turn up,” scoffed Sirius, “and it isn’t even a full moon!”  
“Ha ha ha,” he said mirthlessly.  
“Whatcha been doing then, Moony? Hopefully not snogging someone in the bathroom,” James chuckled.  
He rolled his eyes, “I had a meeting.”  
On any other day they were reunited, Lupin might have been seen pulling them into hugs and asking excitedly about their summers, but today, he had horrible news. Well, for them anyway. He pushed up his sleeves and dropped down next to Peter, who watched him carefully. Peter actually always seemed to be watching them carefully—it was a bit weird sometimes.  
“What meeting?” Peter asked.  
“You alright?” Sirius mumbled in a concerned voice, which was extremely surprising.  
Remus outstretched his fists in front of him, with a clever smile.  
“Pick a hand,” he said, “In one I have a Sickle—all yours—and in the other, well, you’re not going to like it.”  
If he had to guess, he’d say that Sirius would be the angriest, followed by James, and then Peter’s imitation of James’s emotion. Still, he waited patiently. The Marauders eyed him suspiciously.  
It was Sirius who reached out and gently pawed Lupin’s left hand, and automatically he opened it to reveal a small badge with a crested ‘P’ next to ‘Remus Lupin’. Sirius let out a shrilly shriek as if the thing were a giant spider, so that James and Peter had to clap their ears shut.  
“Moony, how could you?” Sirius folded his whole body away from the new prefect.  
He laughed, “Oh, come off it. You’re such a drama queen, sometimes.”  
James was struck dumb. Did this mean—did this mean they had to behave now? The thought was sickening to him, but before he could get a word in Remus rose.  
“Well, anyway, just thought I’d let you know,” he cleared his throat, “I’ve got to be on duty now, so I’ll see you lot later.”  
And he slipped out of the carriage, noticeably sighing. Sirius caught Potter’s eye, and leapt off after Lupin. He was awkwardly fixing his pin to his sweater in the corridor when he saw Sirius making a bee-line for him.  
“If you’ve come to mock me,” Remus smiled at him as he stood opposite him, “I might have to give you lines or something.”  
The train shook them as it traveled, which made Black’s scoff sound more like a hiccup. Remus pricked his finger trying to stifle a laugh, and promptly put it in his mouth still grinning.  
“Oh, you’re bloody useless,” chided Sirius as he took his badge and attempting to pin it to his sweater.  
He glanced up, after successfully pinning it to Remus, and backed away instantaneously because of his close proximity to his face.  
“Sorry about that, mate,” he went red and then shook his head, “Well, nevermind. I just came to tell you not to get all touched about this prefect thing.”  
“You seemed pretty touched back there in the carriage,” retorted Remus.  
“Yeah, well, just don’t get a big head about it,” he moaned, “I mean, you’re alright. And we’re all happy for you, or whatever.”  
Remus smiled shyly at him. It was impossible with him standing there like that, with a poor excuse for an apology. Sirius Black was, hands down, the handsomest student in fifth year. All the girls would swoon over him, especially because of his rebellious image that he strove to uphold. Remus remembered this.  
“Have you—” Lupin tilted his head, “Have you lost your hardcore touch?”  
“SAYING SORRY IS VERY BADASS, OKAY?” he yelled so that everyone in the corridor turned to look at him.  
Remus frowned, looking downwards and saw a little crescent shape in a heart scribbled onto his skin, “Hey, what’s that on your arm?”  
Sirius went red, and putting his arm behind his back hastily, he stalked back the Marauder’s carriage and slammed it shut. Remus blinked and set out on his patrol.

∆

After meeting with Williamson and Dawlish, Remus had transported himself back to number twelve, Grimuald Place. The light footsteps in the roof told him that Kreacher was exploring the attic again, which mean that he was basically alone in the house.  
It was allowed to be felt now, he told himself, but nothing came. The pure shock of the instant removal of Sirius from his life prevented tears, prevented sadness. All he could feel was disbelief.  
Sirius had only been gone for a couple of hours and already it felt like the house had been abandoned for years again. He just loved to complain about Grimuald Place—Remus knew why: the people who lived here had hurt him both physically and emotionally. It was really not ideal in terms of nostalgia.  
He had to admit though, that being homeless for most of last year. It was really nice coming back to a roof over his head, and a black dog wagging his tail to greet him as he entered. It actually felt like they were staying together for a while, in a real place. They had even decided to get Harry a Christmas present together (although this was mainly because Remus couldn’t really afford anything out of his own pocket).  
His knees hit the floor in front of the fire place with his hand still on the mantle. He pressed his eyes into his arm, and at last the tears came. He sobbed so loudly that the portraits began screaming their usual speech.  
“FILTHY TRAITOR, MY OWN BLOOD!” Walburga Black shrieked.  
“Don’t talk about him like that!” Remus yelled from where he was.  
She continued her spiel, which made Lupin’s blood boil. He found his legs and trudged up to the painting with his finger pointing.  
“You don’t talk about him like that!” he warned, “Your son was hero and a great man. He died with honour. I am proud of him!”  
“YOU WOULD BE, YOU DISGUSTING HALF-BREED,” she spat, “HAVE YOU NO SHAME OF YOUR DEEDS? AND IN MY HOUSE TOO!”  
“I love Sirius!” he declared to her face, “And he loved me, and there’s nothing you can do about it. I’m sorry you’re a miserable old bat with no comprehension of love, but I do. I understand love, and I understand it because of your son. So, go on howling because I’m just glad he doesn’t have to hear you any longer!”  
The argument didn’t stop her abuse, but it fell on deaf ears as Remus checked himself. He was arguing with a painting, his whole face soaked with tears. And then realizing his meaningless actions, he fell back silent and dragged his feet to the dining table, where he collapsed in a chair. His head fell into his hands and the portraits kept yelling for a decent while.  
His broken sobs became a little quieter. He half-hoped someone would come to console him, but who would? Alastor Moody was the furthest thing from emotional that it was more likely that Voldemort showing up to comfort him. Kingsley Shacklebolt probably had his hands full trying to cover his tracks. Nymphadora Tonks seemed sweet enough, but she was probably sweetly lying in a hospital bed. Dumbledore—totally out of the question. And of course, his two best friends, one fifteen years dead and the other whimpering at Voldemort’s side, were not available either.  
He had no one. Envy shrouded him as he thought of Harry, surrounded by friends. How could he explain to anybody what he was feeling?  
A great deal of their relationship was kept private. Lupin was never the showy type with his affection and Sirius’s conviction had complicated things to say the least. Everyone felt horrible that Sirius was cooped up in Grimuald Place alone with Kreacher, but what they didn’t know was that Lupin was there every time he was off-duty. Harry had even caught him once when he tried to communicate with Sirius through the Floo Network.  
So, in turn, he didn’t expect anyone to come all flustered to make him tea. He wiped his face which was renewed instantly with more tears.

∆

“What’s up with that? Why do you four call each other those names?” a girl, Jenny Setzkorn, sat next to Sirius at breakfast, obviously flirting with him.  
He sat happily chewing his toast crunchily, oblivious to the whole matter. His three best friends wished nothing more than for the girl to go away. James, because he really wanted to tell Sirius about him throwing dungbombs at Snivellus, Remus because she wasn’t that smart or pretty if you asked him, and Peter because it looked like James didn’t really like it.  
“Well,” Sirius said, with a mouthful of toast, “Prongs because James has been around the block if you know what I mean. Moony because he once went through a phase where he was pulling down his pants in front of every teacher. Wormtail, well, we don’t talk about certain appendages at breakfast…”  
They were all snickering. Jenny couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.  
“What about you, Padfoot?”  
She resumed her giggling and both Remus and James rolled their eyes. They got it. He was good-looking. Did they have to deal with a romantic attempt every breakfast? It was almost becoming a routine for them.  
“Oh, I once stepped on a girl’s thing when we snuck into the girls’ dormitory and it wouldn’t come off,” he smirked.  
The three couldn’t hold it in and let loose the laughter inside of them. Potter was even banging on the table so that the food jumped at every hit. Jenny scowled at them all with gross indignation and ran off back to the Ravenclaw table.  
James shot her a look as he hummed.  
“Wow, Pads,” he giggled, “Such a gentleman, you are.”  
“What are you talking about?”  
He lifted one eyebrow in an obvious manner, “How many hearts are you going to break?”  
Sirius looked aghast and searched for Jenny, but she was out of view. He turned back to the table and took another pensive bite of toast. He chewed on it for a while and the swallowed slowly.  
“She was into me?” he asked cautiously.  
“Of course,” squeaked Peter, “but you didn’t even look at her.”  
He seemed to take this into consideration, then shrugged and continued eating. Remus peered from behind his book and saw James laughing silently at Black.  
“I swear, Sirius, you act like a bloody queer sometimes,” he said smiling.  
Remus almost dropped his book as he fumbled around trying to catch it. Peter’s large-eyed stare was drilling into the back of James’s head.  
Sirius sat up straight and pushed his toast away, “What’s that supposed to mean?”  
“Remember you getting all riled up about Ludo Bagman?” James mocked.  
“Yeah, so what? He’s a great Quidditch player,” Sirius said defensively, “I think he flies great.”  
“Oh, that’s why you were staring at his poster like a lovesic—”  
“That’s enough, James,” said Remus sternly.  
They had a bit of a stare-off. Remus knew that James meant well. He was always a bit of a teaser, as was Sirius, but neither of them really knew where to draw the line. That’s why Remus was quite useful in situations like these. If it hadn’t have been for him, the pair might have been mortal enemies by now.  
But Sirius picked the topic up again, “And what have you got against queers anyway?”  
“Absolutely nothing,” James laughed, putting his hand up in surrender, “We’re all people. I’m just saying maybe you should stop lying to yourself and—”  
“Prongs, be a dear and drop it,” Remus warned again.  
They ate in quiet and parted their ways, Remus and Sirius had Muggle Studies together. They ambled in silence, but finally it was Remus who broke it.  
“Hey, don’t pay attention to Prongs,” he said kindly, “Sometimes he says things before he thinks them through.”  
“I think he has a point,” sighed Sirius.  
Lupin almost fell over, “Excuse me? He does?”  
Sirius stopped in the middle of the staircase so that he was two steps higher than Remus. He scanned the area until he realized people weren’t going to stop walking around them, so he lowered his voice.  
“I mean, Pasiphae is the fittest girl in our year—everyone knows it, but I don’t, you know, feel it,” he said almost desperately.  
Lupin smiled, “We all have our tastes, don’t we? Some think Anne is quite…”  
He trailed off because Sirius was shrugging and he didn’t want to stand there like an idiot trying to convince someone who they like. So, he gave him room to speak even though they were mere minutes from being late.  
“I mean, it’s not like I’ve snogged a bloke before, or anything,” he suddenly shielded, “How would I know?”  
“Well,” Remus cleared his throat, “You don’t really have to, Pads.”  
He shrugged again, “I know, I know. But I need some evidence for myself.”  
They were now alone on the staircase because they were officially late for class. And Remus was a prefect and everything. In the back of his mind he was coming up with some great excuse.  
But in the forefront of his brain, he commanded his legs to take one step up so he was the same height as Sirius, and lightly brushed his lips against Sirius’s for a fleeting second.  
Sirius immediately ducked away from him, staring at him wide-eyed, “What just happened? What was that?”

∆

The prospect of absolutely no one coming led Remus to trudge through these memories of Sirius. He wasn’t entirely sure whether that counted as their first kiss because their lips had barely even touched. But it was a fond memory because he had to watch Black blush all lesson.  
The corners of his mouth twitched to smile, but his heavy mood soon denied it. Sulking was the least productive thing one could do. He was just sitting there—he wasn’t even busy becoming an alcoholic. On that thought, he spun around wondering if the Black household had a Firewhiskey supply, but the idea of getting up seemed appalling.  
Maybe he’d just sit there until someone showed up. This was technically still the headquarters for The Order of the Phoenix.  
“Why, Sirius?” his head fell onto the table.  
The man was so reckless, so emotional. Remus sniffed. And he loved him unbearably. It was difficult to realize that the death of Sirius meant nothing about the death of his feelings. It was as if a telephone call had been dropped on one end and he was just awkwardly saying hello into nothingness.  
His crying started up again.  
This time he flicked his wand passionately and stack of Butterbeer bottles opposite him shattered onto the floor. The paintings, that had just gone quiet, started up again with their screeches.  
“Oh, carry on!” he yelled angrily.  
He tucked his head in his arms on the table, trying to suppress his whimpering.  
“Remus?” said a tentative voice.  
He jumped up, quickly wiping his face. He had completely left one person out of the list of people who could come to Grimuald Place.  
“Molly?” he announced, surprised, “How did you—?”  
Molly Weasley stood in front of him with a more gently presence than her usual strong personality. She seemed to be a little afraid.  
“I apparated,” she smiled weakly, “You didn’t hear me because of the glass bottles you broke.”  
He sniffed, and turned away. His face was probably red and blotchy, not that she hadn’t already seen.  
“Dumbledore told me to check on you,” she whispered, “I didn’t know it would be this bad.”  
He could see her glancing around, wondering if she should get more help—perhaps find a Healer who could conjure a permanent Cheering Charm. She gave him a big grin and set about making tea for the two of them with a wave of her wand. Both of them sat back down as milk and sugar fluttered around them.  
“I know he was your best friend, dear,” she said over the boiling water.  
“He wasn’t,” Lupin said calmly.  
“It’s alright. You don’t need to be embarrassed about the grief,” she patted his arm, “Not too long ago we were in reverse roles. About that boggart, you remember?”  
The fact that Molly was comparing Sirius’s actual death with a boggart stirred something inside of him, although he remained as courteous as ever. Tea landed in front of them both. Molly took a sip.  
“No,” he replied, “You misunderstand me. Um, Molly, Sirius and I…”  
He felt himself beginning to tear up again. She leaned in expectantly.  
“Sirius and I,” he tried again, choking even more, “we—uh—we—were—together. The—the way you and Arthur are—together.”  
Molly choked a little on her tea.

∆

The Gryffindor common room was Lupin’s favourite place after everyone had gone to sleep. He loved having the fire all to himself, and often curled up with a book to read until he was on the verge of dozing off. The book in his hands had ‘FRANKENSTEIN’ neatly etched on the front in gold gothic writing. He related more to this monster story than the ones Muggles write about werewolves.  
He heard footsteps and the Sirius awkwardly sat next to him on the couch. He extended his socked feet to the fire and wiggled his toes with delight.  
It had been two weeks since the awkward lip brush, and neither of them had spoken about it since. Sirius, though, had recently taken to making quite a big show of flirting with girls in front of James and Peter.  
“Why must you read so much?” Sirius sneered, “You make me feel illiterate.”  
Lupin gave a muffled laugh and lowered his book, “I can read to you if you like?”  
“No,” he retorted quickly, “No, that’s—”  
“I won’t tell anyone, Pads,” Remus assured him gently, “plus this one’s about monsters.”  
“Yeah?” he said with a vague curiousity.  
“I sprang on him,” began Remus, “impelled by all the feelings which can arm one—”  
“Sounds about right,” Sirius interrupted.  
Without warning he leaned into Remus and kissed him fully on the mouth for a whole two seconds. When he pulled away, Sirius did not sink back into his seat, but rather examined Lupin’s face closely. There were scars everywhere, which only made him feel more precious about the boy.  
“Listen,” propositioned Sirius, “I’m all for you reading me a bed time story, but I’m going to abandon all tact here and ask, d’you wanna make out?”  
Remus threw the book behind the couch, not breaking Sirius’s gaze.  
“Yeah, okay, we can do that,” he said seriously.  
Lupin wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him into another kiss, breaking their previous record of two seconds. Sirius had to awkwardly half-climb on top of Remus, to which he responded until he had slid flat on the couch with Sirius’s knees on each side of his hips. They snogged for what seemed like a good five minutes before Padfoot broke away to look down at Remus.  
“Shooting in the dark here,” he said, “but I’m searching you have an open mind about kissing blokes?”  
Remus shrugged, “Well, evidently I’m not opposed to the idea.”  
They both grinned at each other mockingly, and went at again. This time their kisses becoming slower and deeper. The initial stunt had been about guts and having something you’ve wanted for a long time, but know that they had established that it become a little more personal.  
To Sirius, he wasn’t snogging a boy, but snogging Remus Lupin, possibly the cutest, smartest and most mischievous prefect there was. And to Remus, well, he had wanted to know how the troublemaker kissed since they became friends.  
Remus pushed his face away gently and smiled at him.  
“You’re good kisser,” he hummed.  
“’Course I am!” he laughed, “I’m Sirius bloody Black!”  
Lupin erupted into a fit of giggles, silenced by another kiss. He threaded his fingers through Siruis’s long hair and gave it a playful tug. Sirius met this challenge by gently bit his lip. Remus connected with his smiling mouth and the kiss didn’t end for twenty minutes—two new records in a night.  
“We should go to bed or else we’re going to be zombies tomorrow,” Remus sighed.  
“Okay,” Sirius gave a solemn nod, “Just ten more minutes.”

“Why are you two bloody yawning every five seconds?” asked James, starting to get annoyed by it.  
“Must be a prank or something,” yawned Sirius, “Someone’s obviously drugged us with Yawning Draught.”  
James wasn’t even sure that was a thing, but then again Potions wasn’t his strong point, so he took his word. But having decided it was true, he was met with another dilemma that made him pout.  
“Why’d only you two get drugged?” he whined, “What about me? I’m just as druggable.”  
Peter nodded in avid agreement, while Lupin laughed as he took sip of pumpkin juice.  
“I’m just kidding,” James sat back and put his arms behind his head, “I saw you and Moony pretending to be Dementors last night.”  
All of the pumpkin juice in Lupin’s mouth sprayed onto Sirius who was sitting opposite him. He didn’t even seem to notice amidst him doing the worst job of acting clueless.  
“What? Don’t be ridiculous,” he chuckled, dripping in pumpkin juice, “I—I have no idea—you’re making that—Moony and I would never—good joke, Prongs!”  
Potter cleaned some pumpkin off of his glasses and put them back onto his smirking face. The damage was done. Peter was now looking from Moony to Padfoot several times over. With a scratch of his eyebrow, Lupin pulled out his wand and pointed it Sirius.  
“Scourgify!”

∆  
It had taken a good deal of explaining for Molly to get the bigger picture. Remus wasn’t really in the mood for talking, but he couldn’t refuse her earnest questions.  
“How long has this been going on?” she blinked rapidly.  
He knew the answer seemed either unhealthy, obsessive or both, “Since we were Harry’s age.”  
“Goodness!” she gasped and the paused, “Remus… you poor thing! I don’t know what to say. Nobody knew! If I had known, I’d have been here immediately! How…Are you alright?”  
He smiled weakly and waved off the gesture. A couple of moments before he wished for a shoulder to cry on, and now he just really wanted to be alone. He could see constant flashes of the last laugh of Sirius Black, and he was unaware that it was the last time he’d ever hear it. It seemed like forever since they were kids and the most complicated thing was getting caught in the broom cupboard.  
Which no doubt they were, multiple times.  
“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” she asked, amazed.  
“I don’t know,” shrugged Remus, “It was really just between me and him. We didn’t want to advertise it, in case the Death Eaters wanted to use it as a weakness. We –we grew up loving each other in very difficult times, Molly.”  
She nodded in agreement.  
Sirius and Remus were hardly afraid of what the others might say, but they got some kick out of sneaking around like naughty teenagers. It reminded them of the old days. Once Sirius was snogging Remus so hard against the wall at Hogwarts that they both fell into the Room of Requirement, occupied by a double bed.  
“Do you want to talk about it?”  
“What is there to say?” Remus looked away, “He’s gone. He’s gone, Molly. No amount of words, magical or conversational will bring him back.”  
Without warning, he broke out into a fit of tears again, clutching his chest as if he wished to rip out his heart. In a week’s time, he might have the strength. Mrs. Weasley jumped up violently, and began fluttering about the kitchen. She found the FireWhiskey and poured him a glass. Remus swallowed between two sobs in a single gulp and felt it roar down his throat.  
“Oh, Remus, I’m sorry,” she pulled him into a hug.  
He grasped her tightly. His wand had somehow found its way into his hand, once again turned on his own head. ‘Oblivate’ sat perched on the edge of his lips.  
Molly wrapped her warm fingers around his wand and gently pulled it. She set it on the far end of the table, as her shoulder became more soaked in tears.  
“There, there, dear,” she patted his back, “It’s going to be alright.”  
Lupin very much doubted that it would ever be alright. Having his heartbroken by death felt even worse than when he was told that the love of his life had betrayed the Potters to Voldemort. He thought he might want to use his last money to buy a pensieve.

∆

Jumping up and down. Up and down. He punched the air several times and took deep breaths. He checked the bathroom mirror. Sirius fixed a stray hair and straightened his bow tie. The dress robes seemed brown—or was it just his eyes? Would James mind that his robes were brown and not black? He was downright going to mess this up.  
Remus suddenly strode into the bathroom.  
“There you are!” he exclaimed, “It’s nearly your part!”  
Sirius registered how incredibly hot Moony looked in dress robes and made a mental note of showing him how much he loved them by tearing them off later. But his mind buzzed as he grabbed him violently by the shoulders.  
“Remus, I can’t do this,” he shivered.  
He smiled, “Yes you can, Pads. You can, alright?”  
He paced away from his company and thrust his hands through his hair, messing it up completely.  
“What if I mess if it up? What if I choke?” he spun around to face Remus, “They will literally never forgive me. I will die as Sirius Black, The Man who Single-Handedly Ruined the Potters’ Wedding!”  
Lupin was trying very hard not to laugh as he beckoned Sirius to fix his hair, and dust off his shoulders.  
“Kiss me,” he commanded.  
Sirius pecked him on the mouth.  
“Clear your throat,” he ordered.  
Sirius gave great, loud gargle.  
“And go give the best Best Man Speech the World has ever seen,” he grinned.  
Sirius strode out of the bathroom doggedly and then second he went out the door, he came right back in. His face was desperate.  
“Moony, I really can’t do this,” he begged, “Can’t you polyjuice me and say the speech on my behalf?”  
“Sirius, this bathroom is lacking about ninety percent of the ingredients for us mix polyjuice potion,” he looked around, “unless you’ve got some in that brown jacket of yours.”  
“It is brown!” Sirius hurried to the mirror and whined at the sight, “Lily’s going to kill me.”  
Remus now laughed audibly at Sirius. He presented himself as this Loki-like figure, but meanwhile he was just a little puppy.  
“She’ll have to go through me first, and I’m her favourite so—”  
“I’m Lily’s favourite,” Sirius declared.  
Remus glared at him, “Lily and I were friends first.”  
“Yeah,” he said obviously, “but she likes me more.”  
“Prove it then,” challenged Lupin.  
“Fine!” yelled Sirius angrily, “I am going to say this horrible speech in my brown robes and if she still talks to me after, I’m her favourite!”  
He marched out defiantly, marched back in defiantly to kiss his Moony and the marched defiantly back out again.  
“What an idiot,” Remus laughed affectionately.  
Sirius suddenly appeared again, and Remus rolled his eyes. He was totally hopeless. But he hadn’t come back out of nervousness.  
“Say, lover,” he smirked, “What do you think about me getting a motorcycle? A flying motorcycle.”  
“Sirius!” Lupin’s gawked at him, “What? No—No, we are not—Why would you—We’ll talk about it later, okay? Merlin’s Beard!”

∆

He let go of Molly embarrassedly, not even sure how long he had been crying. She offered him her handkerchief, which he took tentatively. She probably pitied how pathetic he was.  
“I’m sorry about this,” he apologized.  
“Oh, no, Remus don’t you dare apologise!” she scolded, now returning to the Mrs. Weasley he knew, “I came here to listen to you!”  
“I’ve got to be strong for the Order,” he mumbled.  
“Rubbish!” she said, “You don’t owe anyone anything.”  
“No,” he said firmly, “I want to do this for him. I’ve never wanted to take Voldemort down more in my life! And that Bellatrix woman!”  
He sniffed and then looked up at Molly, gaining some perspective on the situation.  
“Molly,” he asked, “if I fail to take down Bellatrix, would you? In my honour and for Sirius? For the Longbottoms too.”  
She shook her head, “Don’t talk like that, Remus!”  
“I walked into that rescue mission today with no intention or idea of losing Sirius,” he choked, “I’m done fooling myself into thinking that we aren’t going to lose a few, maybe a very loved few, in the struggle to end this war. I’m not afraid to die, Molly. He wasn’t either.”  
She smiled weakly at him, remembering the boggart they had dealt with. It was true, she just found it difficult to accept.

∆

 

The second Lupin had been dismissed from Hogwarts he knew that had to find Padfoot. They had a deal, the marauders, to meet in an inn in Knockturn Alley if ever they might be looking for each other in times of great peril. As he sat on the train his mind raced. He could travel a faster way, but he was nervous.  
Before there reunion a couple of days ago, they were in a very rough place. They were both highly suspicious of each other—maybe it had been that they spent too much time with Moody—but towards the last time they saw each other they hardly slept together and their kisses were full of nothing. He wondered how they were going to fix everything.  
James was gone now and Peter was in the wind. After all, they only had each other now.  
His journey ended and he stood staring up at a sign the read The Whispering Tooth Inn. He sort of did a ridiculous shake of his head as he registered the name, but then again that was their style: The Marauders chose it because it was funny.  
He was about to walk in when he saw a shaggy black dog staring at him from opposite the road. Lupin turned back to the inn. Peter would know about it. It would be stupid to go in. So, he started for the dog and it trotted off in lead.  
They came to another place in Vertik Ally, this one a little less run down. Lupin stepped inside and greeted the man with a smile.  
“No dogs allowed in here,” the inn-keeper, a bulging oily wizard, said firmly.  
“Please, kind sir,” Lupin begged, “I am so tired from travel and every other place is full. I swear he’s more human than dog.”  
He side-eyed him for a long while and then gave a miserable grunt as he reached for the keys.  
“Name?” he asked.  
“Romulus Haddon,” he pronounced, suddenly looking nervous.  
The oily man held out his palm, “Two Galleons upfront.”  
Remus looked down at Sirius and sure enough, he had a sack of coins in his mouth which Remus took carefully. He paid the man and the two of them hurried out of sight. The second they closed the door, Sirius transformed and lept at Lupin.  
He welcomed the violent hug with teary eyes, until both of them had sunken to their knees and sobbed quietly into each other’s shoulders. They held each other trying to make up for twelve years gone by, but it had been robbed and they regretted it with everything they had.  
“Remus,” choked Sirius, “I am so sorry I—”  
“Let’s just forget about everything, please,” he shut his eyes, still embracing him, “I just want to be here with you now. Just… It was a bad time, the war ruined us both.”  
Sirius let go and moved his hand down to Lupin’s shoulders, looking at him intently. The fresh wounds on his face and shabby clothes made Sirius horribly sad for him. His fingers traced Lupin’s cheek and he leaned into it.  
“I’m different,” he said.  
“If you hadn’t changed after twelve years in Azkaban, I’d be worried,” he smiled feebly.  
“Moony, I still love you,” he leaned to kiss his cheek.  
Remus hugged him again, despite his knees beginning to hurt, “And I, you, Sirius Black.”  
They released the embrace slowly and Sirius was the first to get up. He headed to the bathroom to wipe his eyes in the mirror. Lupin got up then and turned to look at him via the mirror.  
“We can’t stay here long,” Sirius sighed, “Not even two hours. Then I have to go somewhere out of the Ministry’s jurisdiction. Somewhere far.”  
“Let me come with you,” Moony pursued.  
Sirius shook his head, “Dumbledore needs you, Remus. And I need you to keep an eye on Harry.”  
He knew there was no point in arguing with him, so he just dropped his shoulders. Sirius saw. He approached Moony and rubbed his arms affectionately, trying to cheer him up. It would be a lot more difficult than before, he thought.  
Remus fell into a deep kiss, his arms wrapping around Sirius’s neck and a tear streamed down his cheek. He looked up to breathe as he felt Sirius undoing his belt.  
“Sirius, are you sure?” Remus breathed, “We don’t have to if you’re unsure.”  
Sirius grinned that old boyish grin, “I did my waiting. Twelve years of it—”  
“Oh, you really haven’t changed,” Lupin laughed.

∆

Remus stood up and tried not to look like he had forgotten to breathe. Darkly, he wished that it was a full moon so that he wouldn’t have to feel anything for a while. It was horrible to think that he would rather be tearing at his own skin than have to cope with the fact that Sirius was gone forever.  
He could not handle the swell of birthdays, jumping into each other’s arms and love-making that sounded throughout his head. The idea that he had to be grateful for these memories to overshadow that he could not have anymore was completely absurd.  
He and Padfoot had spent so much time together, so much time thinking about each other that now, faced with the unfamiliar world, Remus was scared. He knew he was capable of pulling himself together, but did he want to? Eventually moving on meant eventually forgetting Sirius.  
And there was so much he still wanted in life—a family, a child to raise, to grow old with someone he loved. The prospect of a second chance seemed so slim after decades of loving Sirius Black. What was after him? And did Remus want to take that chance if it presented himself?  
“Don’t deny yourself time, dear,” Molly coaxed, “You have to grieve. Don’t set yourself a time limit. If you come to terms with his death tomorrow, great. If you never do, that’s also fine. But I know that Sirius was a man of life and he wouldn’t wanted to see you not living, Remus.”  
He nodded dismissively.  
“What—what has Dumbledore said?” he said, “What now?”  
Molly sighed, “Well, I he’s currently telling Harry everything—about the prophecy, you know. Then I think he’ll call us when he’s ready with new plans.”  
“Okay then,” Remus rubbed his eyes, “How’s Nymphadora? Will she be fine?”  
“I’ve heard she’s in St Mungo’s, but stable. She’ll be better in no time, dear.”  
Suddenly a fact that he had missed hit him squarely in the chest.  
He was the last Marauder. He was the last of a dying breed of clever pranksters, of best friends. It never seemed so ominous before. He had all the responsibility to come out of this war so that he could pass on their legacy because if he had to die, all their misadventures and friendship would die with them. No one would ever know.  
“That’s good,” he nodded difficulty about Tonks, “Listen, Molly, thank you for coming, but if you don’t mind, I’m going to go get some rest.”  
“Of course, Remus,” she said, “I’ll be down here, making some breakfast when you wake up.”  
He smiled weakly and tiptoed up the stairs, careful not to wake Walburga again. He pushed the door of Sirius’s old room open and collapsed against the door, to close it. This was the last place that he saw Sirius before the rescue mission.  
“I wish…” he shook his head, “I don’t even know what I wish.”  
He took off his shoes and fell onto the bed onto his side. It will all be a bad dream when he woke up, he convinced himself. He’s just dreaming.

∆

“Moony,” Sirius wondered as he ran his thumb over Lupin’s bare shoulder, “Do you ever think about how different if would have been if the Potters survived?”  
Lupin lifted his head sleepily from Sirius’s chest and fell back on his side of the bed. He inhaled deeply to wake up, and examined Sirius who was staring at the peeling ceiling of his old room.  
“Why are you thinking about that?” he mumbled, “Dumbledore always advised against living the past.”  
“I don’t know,” he smiled when touched Lupin’s nose, “Were you sleeping, huh?”  
“Yeah,” he said tiredly.  
Sirius snuggled into the crook of his neck, “Oh, I’m sorry, lover. I thought you were awake.”  
“Well, I’m awake now,” he peered down at Sirius.  
He heard Sirius breathing lightly and then hitch into sigh when Remus swung his arm up to play with his hair. Sometimes he wondered if his animagus form was a dog because of his habits, or the other way round.  
“These times remind me of just before Lily and James were kil—before you know,” he sighed again, “I just think that the risk of death is so high—not that I’m scared—but it’s so high, that I can’t help but be a bit nostalgic.”  
“I know,” Remus said gently, “I miss them too, Pads. With Harry being the spitting image of James…”  
“Yeah,” Sirius chuckled, “that kid is something, alright. I wish we could’ve brought him up.”  
“Uncle Remus,” Lupin said, “That’s what I would have been.”  
“If James and Lily—?”  
He nodded sadly. Sirius kissed his cheek and rolled over to get some sleep, apparently exhausted of the topic, but now Remus was widely awake. He looked at the back of Padfoot’s head. He didn’t even want to think about what he’d do if Sirius died during this whole Order thing. Twelve years of missed memories and he genuinely wanted to make up for that. Remus wanted to be happy with the man lying next to him—and in times of war, love was the only thing that kept him sane.  
Sirius suddenly rolled over, “You think Nymphadora has got it out for you?”  
Remus was a bit taken aback, “Tonks? She’s sweet enough. I think it’s just a friendly thing.”  
“Better be,” said Sirius sleepily.  
It was undeniably adorable when Sirius got jealous. He was like a wounded puppy, and even though he had mentioned it so casually, Remus knew it had probably been eating at him for months.  
“C’mere,” Remus smiled and pulled Sirius closer, showering him with little kisses, “I have to leave early tomorrow for duty, but you’ll be fine right?”  
“Yeah,” he replied unenthusiastically, “Buckbeak’s injured. I think that old git Kreacher did it, so I’ll probably be nursing him the whole day.”  
“Okay, I’ll be back as soon as possible, lover,” Remus cooed.  
Sirius took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around the werewolf, “Goodnight. I love you.”  
“Love you too.”  
“And don’t take all the blankets this time.”  
“Merlin’s Beard, go to sleep already, Sirius. I’m tired.”


End file.
